There is a place below rock bottom. Darkness and Fear live in this place. They cloud your vision and you are unable to see rock bottom. They like to keep you there with them. Your life force drained for their greedy appetites. Darkness and Fear are relentless in their pursuit of your light. They wish to extinguish it.
They lie to you about what the place they inhabit really is. They call it life. They tell you this is just the way it is and will always be. No use trying for anything better, they shrug with feigned indifference. They distract you and you are unable to see rock bottom. You don’t even know you are deeper than rock bottom because Darkness and Fear are constantly in your ear, tricking you with whispered lies. Convincing lies.
I hope you can learn to navigate this space. If you want to live, you must. No one can do it for you. If you will only look up, you will see how far away from the light you have wandered. If you will only look up, you will see your proximity to rock bottom and know it is time to engage in your return to yourself.
Look up, my sisters. Look up.
Books can do amazing things. Like bring people together who might not otherwise meet. Books can bring a person out of their own head to find some other people. People who also like to get lost in books.
I joined a few book clubs.
This was terrifying for me. This fear has not always been a part of who I am. I am not sure when it happened. Somewhere along the way of life, I became a full on homebody. I have fully embraced it for the last decade. Kids make it easy to hide in yourself. You give so much. Everything. Everyday. You don’t have much left. So you decline invitations. You avoid crowds. You sink deeper and deeper into the land of no people until the only ones around you are your sweet babies and the village you create for them consisting of only family and maybe a couple of highly trusted friends.
I dived deep into this land. It was safe and sweet filled with babies, kisses, lots of laughs, family events and love. So much love. And it was enough. It was all I needed.
Until it wasn’t.
Until I needed something. Something for me. Something fun. Something new.
I remembered I love books. Like a lot. I love to read books. I love to talk about books. I love to write about books. In the spirit of living this year with the theme of love, I decided to crawl out onto the limb and find some people to talk about books with. I decided to follow love and it nudged me to books which inspired me to talk about books. I joined a few book clubs and started reading the books.
The first meeting was not really one at all, as it would turn out. Today was the actual first book club meeting and it couldn’t have gone better. I met two women who I have plans to see again soon and I had a terrific time.
I was scared. I was nervous and a bit anxious. I went anyway. I am so glad I did. I can’t wait to see what else and who else might be out there in the world, ready for new adventures. And of course, lots of wonderful books.
Books can do amazing things. Like take you outside of your comfort zones so you can reside in the space of growth. Books are gifted like that.